Let’s take a quick break from all this pregnancy talk and spend some time on the dreadful topic of politics.  Now, I don’t want to get into the discussion about politics itself, but rather the people who feel so passionately about their political and personal beliefs.  What I’d like all of you to do is shut.the.fuck.up.

Now I am all for people expressing their opinions and views regarding this “sham of a presidential election” as we “welcome” our new President, Donald Trump, but I have never seen such a display of hatred and simple-minded, no, forceful-minded one-sidedness.

Listen, you have the right to believe whatever you want.  When I say it, I mean it.  I may not agree with you, but I won’t chastise you and drag you through the public mud to humiliate and belittle you. I have seen some appalling displays coming from self-proclaimed wholesome, peaceful, people-loving, tree hugging, “we must respect all of the universes’ humans and animals” lying ass fraud-frauders, whom force other people to either agree with their beliefs surrounding their hatred for Mr. Trump or risk being made an example of why they are what’s wrong with America.

I’m not saying I’m a supporter of our new President, but I am a fan of him becoming a successful president for our sake… for the sake of the nation.   To wish the president to fail, is like wishing the pilot of your airplane to fail with you and everyone you love on the plane.   C’mon people, the guy was elected and now runs the country.   I’m not saying you need to support him as a person, but instead of rioting, bullying and causing so much ruckus in the world, let the guy have a chance to make the right decisions.  I recall a time where everyone was picketing and marching against the all-of-a-sudden most beloved president, Obama!

What irks me so damned much are the people who talk shit and disrespect other people so badly and call their names out on Social Media to embarrass them for invoking the same constitutional rights of Freedom of Speech.   If you, as a passionate believer of your own beliefs, can preach about freedom of speech and democracy, yet publicly humiliate your own friends on social media for not believing in what you believe in, telling them to keep their mouths shut, that their own beliefs (which are opposite of yours) are wrong, then you, my dear, are what’s wrong with America.   Please don’t talk about “love thy neighbors” when your fine print reads “so long as your views are the same as mine”.   Practice what you preach and shut.the.fuck.up.

Oh, and I had this one lady is her 60’s or so, post a hateful remark about how the First Lady is not worthy because of all of her plastic surgery, when this 60 year old posted a video of her dancing in a bikini top exposing her augmented breast.   *scoff*  Seriously, please shut.the.fuck.up.  I know she’s not the First Lady, but don’t be calling the kettle black, Mrs. Pots.   So again… shut.the.fuck.up.

I haven’t been able to blog as much as I wanted to this week, but this pregnancy has been a little hard these past several days.   I know everyone is different and my girlfriends, who were pregnant before me, had gestational diabetes, but even so, most of them didn’t really talk too much about it- anyway, I have been getting dizzy from time to time over the course of the last several weeks, but it wasn’t until this week, that it was followed by headaches and I felt like passing out.

I did some research on this before when I first started getting the spins and it mentioned I could have low blood pressure or low blood sugar.  I just assumed that since most of my blood was pumping straight to the baby, it would last for a short while and I’d bounce back once s/he is able to start producing their own.  Plus, I made sure to have some sweet treats here and there to keep my blood sugar up.

***Oh, and ladies, if you ever experience lightheadedness, try not to bend down/over to pick something up.  You will lose your balance and feel like falling right where you stand.  Get someone to help you.  I know my BD always tells me to ask him for help, but sometimes you forget and you can be sure you’ll get a rude ass reminder every time you do it.***

Let me tell you, on Thursday night at 7pm, I experienced severe headaches complimenting my dizziness and I felt like fainting.  I ate some dinner with bread to help ease the feeling, but it was not getting any better, so I brushed it off as lack of rest and decided to sleep early.  When I woke up at 5am, I still had the spins and the headache.   This was the worse feeling ever!  I had to call in sick and made an appointment to see my doctor.

It turns out, my blood pressure is low 96/58 and my glucose (though within range) was on the boarder of being low.   For some reason, I also lost interest in food in the last week.  This was probably due to the dizziness, which in turn, worsened when I didn’t stay nourished.  My doctor insisted my vitals were okay enough (that it was normal for the blood pressure to drop during the 2nd trimester) and what I was experiencing was more of a reaction to the pregnancy, but she heeded me to snack often.

I’m feeling better today, but one thing people sure don’t tell you about is the extreme side of dizziness caused by pregnancy.  I’m not sure what my little Pikachu is up to, but I sure hope s/he understands that they’re not helping themselves if they get mommy sick.  Just saying.

What first gave me the idea that I might be pregnant was my swollen boobs followed by the immense pain that went with it.

When I would wake up from a night’s sleep, I swear it felt like there was a 15 pound plate on my chest.   I recall talking to a girlfriend who got her breast augmented and she told me the feeling after surgery was as if there was a bus on her chest and she had a hard time getting up.  Well, the pain wasn’t quite a bus, but maybe one of those Volkswagen beetle cars.

Anyway, the swelling and pain happened about 2 weeks before my next cycle (which unbeknownst to me, I was already almost 3 weeks preggo) and I thought from all the stress  I was experiencing, my cycle was off.  I remember telling my BD (baby daddy) and he jokingly suggested that I was pregnant.  I knew this wasn’t the case, since I’m unable to conceive (or so I thought), so I insisted that I knew my body and I was just getting my period early and the symptoms came early as well.  Granted, I usually don’t feel that much pain, but the swelling was normal.

A week later the pain persisted and I was now starting to get annoyed that I still haven’t gotten my period.  Again, my BD told me I might be preggo.   I brushed it off and for kicks, I took a test I had laying around at home.  Oh and if that 1 test wasn’t convincing enough, I went to the store and bought 2 more tests.   I won’t get into long details, but I went through the five stages of grieving (though it wasn’t grief I was feeling, just the stages):

• Denial- With spouts of denial laughter.  I swear I felt like I was crazy
• Anger- I was angry it happened to me at the time that it did- super new relationship, in between jobs and looking for a new place to live since I just moved out of my previous place
• Bargaining- Oh god, let this be true and please let this baby stay conceived and be born healthy.  I promise to give back to the Universe.
• Depression- How am I going to tell everyone about this?  No one is going to understand and who will be supportive?  I didn’t think I would get the supportive happy reaction I wanted since the BD and I were so new to the relationship department despite of our history.
• Acceptance- It took me like 4 whole weeks to accept I was pregnant.

Okay, so I’m pregnant and holy moly my boobs did not and still do not make this pregnancy enjoyable.   What triggered me to write this blog is the excruciating pain from my right nipple that I am currently experiencing.   Some times it’s the left and sometimes it’s the right, but the pain is all the same.  Imagine, if you will, someone biting the heck out of it and if you’re into that kinky S&M stuff, let me tell you, there is NOTHING enjoyable about it!

The pain comes and goes and you are tempted to rub it to soothe the pain, but just be aware of your surroundings, because I have been absent minded to try and soothe it from the comfort of my cube at work.  Eek.

I HIGHLY recommend you switch over to maternity bras if you are busty-ish like I am (C/D cup).  The moment you take off your Victoria’s Secret bra and your breasts fall, it feels like your boobs weigh 20lbs each and oh-my-pain from gravity!  I even wear a maternity sleep bra to help ease the morning and middle-of-the-night pain.  Even my BD tells me how heavy they feel when he cups them.

Ladies, I tell you, there is no shame to the maternity bra game.  Do what you need to support those girls.  Anything padded, push-up or wire is going to make you very uncomfortable, but then again, this is just my experience.  Let ’em flap and free fall if that makes you happy… as for me,  I’m not taking any chances on my milk producers.  haha.

As much as I’d love to just jump right into my “rant of the day”, I feel like I should offer a little background as to what got me to where I am today…

• Girl mets guy and they become friends
• Fastforward 16 years later, girl breaks up with previous guy and reconnects with guy friend after 5-6 years of no contact to have a catch-up dinner
• 2 days later, girl and guy fall in love and 3 weeks later, girl is pregnant

Are we all caught up now?    Great.  As the entries get published, more will be revealed to tell the story of “in between the lines”.

So… here I am.  Almost 13 weeks pregnant with my first child at 33 and him at 39.   My how times have changed and people tend to give birth at an older age.   For me, though, getting pregnant was something I thought could/ would never happen.  You see, when I was in my early 20’s I had an abnormal pap which then triggered a cancer scare.  Since then, I have been regularly screened to ensure there were no more mutated cells in my cervix.

I’ve been suffering with issues in my uterus ever since.  This is probably unrelated to the pap, but nonetheless, I had annual trips to the ER due to the fibrosis and cysts.  Fun times.

I was married once upon and time and my ex-husband (it’s been almost 3 years since the divorce) and I tried for years to conceive, but it was so difficult.  I knew it would be a challenge, but we opted to try and try again.. year after year.   Well, it’s been 6+ years since we started trying and I was never able to see that + sign on a pregnancy test.   How I was able to become pregnant now is something is short of a miracle.   I’m a believer of fate (only in the last few years, though) and I firmly believe things are meant to be when they are meant to be.  Let’s just say thank god I didn’t have anyone else’s demon seed (stories to follow).

This year, I was anticipating my annual trip to the ER- which seems to always happen in the September/ October time frame (weird) and as I sat wondering when I would need to go and whom I could call upon to take me, the darnedest thing happened… I ended up getting pregnant instead.

How I ended up getting pregnant was another miracle.   It was right before my menstrual cycle (like 3 days prior and I still ended up bleeding that month) and kids, the pull out method does not work.  Pre-cum is a real thing and it can really get you pregnant.   Listen to what I tell you.  I’m walking/ growing proof.  lol

This is now my life… sitting on my comfy couch with the man I’m meant to be with, watching football next to me.  I’ve always envisioned what my blog would sound like and I can tell you from the experiences I’ve gone through in the first 3 months, pregnancy is NOT all glows, cute bumps and happy hormones.  Oh no.  There is a dark unglamorous side to this whole thing that NO ONE tells you about.   You can guarantee I’m going to give it to you real.  I’m not going to sugar coat anything, because really, not every thing I experienced with pleasant.